Trixsie

It’s really hard to feel like I can carry on somedays. I have this enormous pressure in my chest everyday about the all the things I need to change in my life and all the stress that comes with the ins and outs a being human. I grew up believing in the good in people but somehow I’ve come to this point that no matter how much trust and faith you have in the good in people, they will always let you down. It’s not about just doing the occasional thing that is considered a fuck up but about consistently being a person that cannot control themselves from doing something that hurts those around them. Not to mention that every person looks at another with judgemental eyes. For me it’s so much more than just the racist or the bigot. At least those people don’t hide who they are. While I may not think they are right in their hate, they don’t hide behind some facade of being a good person or making false promises to the people that care about them.  They add insult to injury by lying about it. I just don’t think I can handle or want to handle all the bullshit that comes from life. For the time being I feel like it’s never going to be worth it and it will take more than a little bit of convincing for me to change my mind. People say live your life how you want to live it no matter what anyone says. I don’t see how that’s possible when I am so affected by the people around me. No one can live their life without the constant judgment or consideration of those around them.